Falling off the Party Wagon

It's been a few days since I've had time or desire to write. I must have hit the diet mental-block that happens to me after about two weeks on any diet. We ran out of budgeted money for food last week, and since then we've been trying to make the food we have left stretch. It was not a good idea. As the fridge got more empty and we got more hungry, the idea of going to buy more healthy food with money designated for bills seemed irresponsible for some reason... Last night, hungry and tired, I went to the grocery store. Another not good idea. I told myself that I would go get the newspaper and see what fresh produce type stuff was on sale or had coupons and then I would find something healthy and quick to eat.

I ended up with deep fried cheese curds. And jalapeño poppers. And cinnamon rolls with cream cheese frosting.

Ron was pleased, until he realized that I felt  miserable for giving in and buying things we shouldn't have, and then we both felt miserable after eating the stuff. The cheese curds were old so we ended up throwing half of them out. (So much for saving money...) The poppers were okay...but even Ron suggested we give the ones we didn't  use to my brothers. The only redeeming factor were the cinnamon rolls, but when I stepped on the scale this morning and realized that I'd regained a pound of the three I'd lost, they didn't taste so good anymore.

Why is it SO hard to break the habit of having quick, easy food? It's really not much cheaper or faster, it doesn't really taste THAT good, and it makes me feel fat and icky. Rationally, I shouldn't even WANT any ice cream right now. But I do. Sigh.

Anyway, I ran into Angela this morning at the chiropractor and blurted my sins to her after she was kind enough to say that I looked like I lost weight. (Don't know how THAT could be true...lol). Angela is someone who seems to have the whole raw foods thing down - I mean, she is the LEADER of the raw foods potluck group. But when I told her about our binge, she just nodded and said, "ya...I do that sometimes still, too."

Huh. Well, I guess if it still happens to her, I shouldn't beat myself up too much over it. So I came home determined not to feel guilty about last night and made myself some green juice. I feel a bit better, and I can tell that a raw breakfast and the juice has helped me release the water weight from last night.

Still hungry. Still broke. Gonna hafta go buy groceries with some kinda money anyway - guess I'll go buy raw.